• Mathura Hawley

someday


I will look into the eyes of the only other man in the world when he says, “I love you,” while tears of belief pour from mine. I will forgive people on the spot, instead of putting them on a list I only hope to get to eventually. "

I will be able to walk around the east village without feeling sick to my stomach. I will step into the Bhakti Center excited to see Krishna and not care about the ghost of someone else’s darkness lurking in the corners or in the expressions of others. I will pull the front door of the cabin behind me when I leave on a Sunday and not wonder why I was there alone. I will get excited to finish the guest house and to feel the light as it becomes a place of comfort and laughter for those that want to be near me, and not a shell of broken promises. I will look into the eyes of the only other man in the world when he says, “I love you,” while tears of belief pour from mine. I will forgive people on the spot, instead of putting them on a list I only hope to get to eventually. I will be doing exactly what I love to do, and forget what time it is or how many hours or days or months I’ve been working on it. I will be remembered by someone because I’ve touched their life in some way. I will be older, and smile each time I think of the things that led me to be who I am. I will share with others how I lead myself by my own hand through the lonely darkness of abuse into the bright light of acceptance. I will acknowledge that during this last year, I have humbly fallen at the feet of my own experience. I will remember that I have screamed like a wounded animal from the deep pain of betrayal, and cried a million tears from the childlike nightmare of abandonment. I will proudly confess that I have become the most compassionate friend I have ever had.

I will allow myself to see that every single one of these wishes is actually happening now or could happen this year, as I stop at this exact moment to raise my hands in prayer to Krishna, and to move another minute forward, curious and with a divine strength I never expected, remembering to swim with the current in this ever rising river of gratitude


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