• Mathura Hawley

proof 2

Updated: Aug 2, 2021


I took the hand of this beautiful young guy, in his leather racing jacket and jeans with holes in all the right places, and walked through the crowd and through the door, the bouncer nodding us ahead with a wink and smile at Ben."

Ron introduced me to his friend Ben. Ben was shy and wouldn’t look at me when he spoke until we were finally alone and then he said, quietly, almost to himself, “I think you’re so sexy.” “You do?” I asked, surprised. “Yeah,” he said shyly. “I want to take you out tonight.” We got into his car, and drove around San Francisco with the windows down, singing to the music blasting on his stereo. We pulled up to the curb outside the bar, next to the most beautiful men I have ever seen gathered in one place, all in their twenties and thirties, some with beards, some in jeans and suspenders, fresh faces and eyes that seemed very alive. “I’m too old for this crowd,” I said, reluctantly. Ben got out of the car, came around the side and opened my door, reached out and offered his hand. “Dude, I feel lucky to be here with you,” he said. And I took the hand of this beautiful young guy, in his leather racing jacket and jeans with holes in all the right places, and walked through the crowd and through the door, the bouncer nodding us ahead with a wink and smile at Ben. He led me through the dancing bodies and up to the bar, and he never let go of my hand once in the hour we were there. Two shirtless twenty-somethings pretended to block me and wouldn’t let me by until I told them my name, and then smiled and pulled me to dance. The bartender asked Ben who I was and gave me a drink with the promise that I would come back again soon. And I took it all in, every second of it. Because it was a moment that doesn’t happen many times in a life, especially mine, and it was a gift that I will never forget. I was someone I had forgotten I could be, or even considered I could be anymore. I am not invisible. And I am not disappearing, ever again.


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