• Mathura Hawley

beneficiary

Updated: Aug 2, 2021


It suffered. It was wounded. And now it is well on its way, its spirit healing. No wonder I feel so drawn to it and love it so deeply. It is me. "

Each time I walk the grounds of the Hare Krishna retreat at New Vrindaban, something broken inside of me heals, a light shines into a dark corner I was avoiding, the sudden, shrill calls of the wild peacocks pierce my ears and make me smile, and the air feels clean and pure in my head. It took several trips to understand why I feel so at home there, more than anyplace else I have ever stood. It is, itself, healing. It was the vision of a loving and intelligent guru many years ago to recreate a sacred Indian place in the countryside of West Virginia. Like all things run by humans, it was vulnerable and fell into a bad time after his death, with pain and darkness in its midst. It suffered. It was wounded. And now it is well on its way, its spirit healing. No wonder I feel so drawn to it and love it so deeply. It is me. It is a living, breathing, evolving entity, just like any of us. That is why I sing kirtan so loudly and so freely in the aging wooden barn that, to me, is the most beautiful of all temples. That is why I return there several times a year, as far away and difficult as it is to get to. That is why I raised money to bring cows there off a Midwest slaughter line last year, to expand its grace. That is why I hope to live there someday, and have never told that to anyone until right now. And that is why, last Tuesday night, just hours before I was to sign my will, conflicted who to someday leave whatever is left of my life, I changed the beneficiary to this beautiful place, to New Vrindaban. It is one more step toward my commitment to Krishna. One more step toward worrying about less, but having more. One day closer to accepting the joy that is being shown to me in so many ways, and sharing this joy with others who may need it. One more way to honor my last breath, knowing I learned what I was supposed to know, and to let go of the rest. That is my will, and all I have left. I am wounded, but I am blessed. Hare Krishna.


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