• Mathura Hawley

will

Updated: Aug 2, 2021


I don’t want to feel more pain. I don’t want to be responsible. I don’t want to be broken. "

I don’t.

I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want anymore tears. I don’t want further deception. I don’t want to be manipulated. I don’t want to walk in darkness. I don’t want to feel more pain. I don’t want to be responsible. I don’t want to be broken.

I can’t.

I can’t try any harder. I can’t repair the damage. I can’t accept what’s now acceptable. I can’t help anyone else. I can’t look the other way. I can’t start over. I can’t be mean. I can’t play the game. I can’t be numb. I can’t feel a thing. I can’t understand. I can’t see tomorrow.

I won’t.

I won’t see the best in people. I won’t believe in anything. I won’t try to change when there is nowhere worth getting to. I won’t pretend it is temporary. I won’t forget who used me. I won’t accept this as a lesson. I won’t believe things happen for a reason.

I will.

I will look at this list again tomorrow. I will go through it again the next day then the next. I will believe it only until I am strong enough or inspired enough to erase each one and get on with it.

I will never change, that way.



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